Teaching Kids About Body Safety

When to start talking about body safety

It’s never too early (or too late) to talk to your child about body safety. We recommend talking to them about their body and being safe before age 3.

Although babies are too young to identify body parts or grasp the concept of body safety, reading books and talking about these topics from an early age can help normalize conversations and instill confidence in parents and caregivers to discuss body safety as their child grows.

How to talk with kids about body safety

Ongoing and open communication is the first step to preventing child abuse and promoting healthy relationships. Here are some guidelines to help you talk to your child about body safety:

• Talk at a level your child can understand.
• Be open and honest when your child asks questions and remember that it’s OK to not have all the answers.
• Include body safety topics, such as uncomfortable or unwanted touch, when talking about general safety (e.g., wearing a helmet or a seat belt, being safe around water, etc.)
• Teach the correct names for body parts. When we teach incorrect names (or nicknames), we communicate that genitals are shameful or bad, and that it’s rude to talk about them. It also can lead to miscommunication or confusion when a child needs help from safe adults.
• Tell your child to immediately tell you (or another trusted adult) if someone:
• Makes them feel uncomfortable.
• Doesn’t respect their boundaries.
• Asks them to keep secrets.
• Touches them inappropriately.
• Help your child identify at least 3 safe adults they can reach out to whenever they can’t (or won’t) talk to you.
• Encourage your child to talk openly with you. Remind them that families don’t keep secrets from one another, even small ones.
• Teach your child the differences between secrets and surprises.
• Secrets can last a long time and may make someone feel scared or uncomfortable.
• Surprises are only kept for brief periods, are eventually revealed, and typically make everyone feel safe and happy (e.g., birthday presents, surprise parties, etc.).
• Praise your child for telling you difficult things.

Teaching kids about touch and boundaries can help keep them safe by empowering them to advocate for their personal space, teaching them how to recognize inappropriate behaviors and encouraging them to raise their voices and tell safe adults if their boundaries are violated.

Violating a child’s boundaries can look like:

• Touching their private parts, touch that makes them feel uncomfortable or touch that happens too often.
• Encouraging them to keep secrets or pressuring them to break the rules.
• Insisting on spending time alone or talking privately.
• Communicating in a sexual way or showing inappropriate material.
• Consistently giving gifts or unique privileges that are kept secret or only given to certain kids.

Educating your child about touch and boundary violations includes:

• Encouraging them to decide when and what physical affection is right for them.
• Regularly reminding them that they’re allowed to say no to anyone who makes them feel uncomfortable, including family and friends. Try offering reassuring statements:
• “Would you like to give a hug, give a high five or just wave hello?”
• “It’s OK if you don’t want to hug. You can just say hi.”
• Teaching them about private parts (i.e., body parts covered by a bathing suit or their mouth).
• No one should touch or look at their private parts except to keep them healthy, such as a doctor during a checkup. Doctors should never check or touch their private parts during a checkup without a nurse or caregiver present, and it should never be a secret.
• No one should ever ask them to touch the private parts of another person with any part of their body.
• Reminding them that touch can sometimes feel uncomfortable but keeps them healthy, like getting a shot at the doctor's office.
• Explaining the signs or signals our bodies give us when we experience a potentially uncomfortable touch or situation, such as:
• Sweating
• Increased heart rate
• Feeling nauseous
• Feeling weak, shaky or dizzy
• Difficulty breathing or shortness of breath

Talking with kids about puberty can make them aware of body changes, reinforce the importance of boundaries, and empower them to recognize and report when their boundaries are violated.

These conversations will (and should) change as kids grow. This means talking with your child about puberty and the physical and emotional changes their body will go through as they get older.

Here are a few tips for navigating conversations with your child about puberty:

• Talk about it before it happens. Discussing the changes that take place during puberty before they start can help ease your child’s anxieties, fears and insecurities. Puberty may begin in female children between the ages of 8 and 13 and in male children between the ages of 9 and 14.
• Read books about body safety and puberty with your child. This can help make these conversations more engaging and less intimidating for everyone.
• Find out what your child already knows (or thinks they know).
• Educate yourself on healthy sexual development. Kids are often curious about their bodies and other people’s bodies. This is normal, healthy sexual development. From ages 1 to 5, they may:
• Be curious about the world, including bodies, and look at their own and other people's bodies.
• Show their private parts to friends or peers of the same age.
• Touch their private parts as self-soothing behavior, usually during naps or at bedtime.

Sexual behaviors of children can range from typical to problematic. If sexual behaviors cannot be redirected or do not respond to parental intervention, it may be time to seek additional support. Learn about typical, cautionary and problematic behaviors in children.

It’s important to recognize that teaching kids about body safety includes teaching them how to safely use the internet and technology. Here are a few ways to help your child safely use the internet:

• Talk with them about their internet activity.
• Teach them that anyone online who they haven’t met in real life is a stranger.
• Remind them not to share personal information online, including their:
• Full name or age
• Phone number, email address or passwords
• Home address or city
• School name, school address or grade level

According to the CDC, approximately 91% of child sexual abuse is perpetrated by someone the child or child’s family knows. To help protect kids from child sexual abuse, it’s important to know the people they interact with, including:

• Relatives
• Teachers
• Babysitters
• Camp staff
• Dating partners
• Play-group families
• Coaches and other sports program personnel
• After-school program staff
• Early childcare providers

Here are a few ways you can help keep your child safe from potentially unsafe situations or people:

• Check in periodically and unannounced when your child is in the care of others.
• Be aware of their interactions with your child.
• Talk with other parents and caregivers whose kids interact with the same people.
• Look into the background of organizations and individuals by asking questions like:
• “What’s the protocol for one-on-one interactions with kids?”
• “How are staff screened for questionable employment or criminal history (before they’re hired, annually, etc.)?”
• “Do you provide regular training for staff on how to prevent child abuse and neglect?”
• “Is the childcare provider licensed by the state?”

While every child is different, it’s important to watch for changes in their behavior and signs of child sexual abuse:

• Keeping secrets
• Changes in their sleep or eating habits
• Anger, rage or crying more than usual
• Knowing more about sex than is normal for their age
• Acting out sexually or playing with their private parts more than usual
• Wetting the bed (for children who have been successfully potty trained)
• Fear of being around specific people, going to certain places or doing certain things

If these behavior changes interfere with their normal activities or continue after you’ve given your child guidance and structure, seek professional help. Certain behaviors can indicate sexual child abuse, but keep in mind that they may also be related to other events in a child’s life, such as a death, divorce, recent move or change in schools.

If you suspect your child is a victim of physical or sexual abuse, it’s essential to handle the situation with care. Report your concerns immediately to the authorities, make clear rules about body safety, and seek professional help for your child and the whole family. If you’re unsure who to reach out to, start with your child’s doctor or a mental health professional.